Destined To Lose
by Erratic-Sanity
Summary: Some are destined to become winners. While some are destined to lose. Yzak has excepted his fate, but maybe someone can help him change that.


Yay! My First Gundam Seed fic staring my favorite characters. This fic has no real background, I just decided to sit down one night and write yummy Dearka/Yzak stuff. If you don't like the thought of two boys romantically together, leave, or read it any way disgust yourself and then leave. Either way it doesn't matter to me. It's mainly just Yzak reflecting on Dearka, no getting it on (. Sorry, but anyway I hope you enjoy ).

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed or any of its characters; I'm simply borrowing them for my own pleasure.

-:- -:- -:-

**Destined to Lose**

I was losing again. I thought that I would have been used to it by now. After all, I was constantly losing, losing battles, losing ranks, losing friends. But no matter how much I lost, I still could handle the painful sting that struck me down to my core. It hurt. Oh God did it hurt, and I hated pain. No, I hated to _feel_ pain. So when I was hurt I did the only thing I thought logical. I let others feel my pain. I stayed angry, constantly lashing out at things or people. Punching, kicking, cursing, anything to make someone else feel what I was feeling. It was a dumb way to deal with it, after all, punching a wall only made me feel more pain, and that made me even more irate. Oh the irony, it seemed to follow me around where ever I went. I hated it too. How ironic.

But I had come to the assumption that losing would be a never ending cycle in my life. This is, until, you came. Cliché as it is, I still remember our first meeting, and how I wanted nothing more to strangle you. It was a charity dinner for the high council of ZAFT. We both attended, not because we wanted to, more because we were forced to. Because both of our parents were on the bored. As we dined, you spotted me from across the room. You later told me you were thrilled that another child your age was there. You were more that happy to waltz over to me and introduce yourself. Being polite I humored your annoying antics for the night and I prayed I'd never have to see you again. Oh the irony in that!

Naturally my prayer was a lost cause, not surprising. But I would later realize that I didn't mind losing when it came to you. We were roommates while at military school and total opposites. Laughing, I look back remembering how I nearly smashed the table in two when you walked into our room, with your headphones blaring and your head bobbing just so to the beat. Oh yeah, I recognized you instantly and your annoying habits, despite your obvious growth from the four years that I had seen you last. As the months pasted you became less annoying, more tolerable, and even…likeable. Hell, at graduation I was glad you were my _friend._

Yet I didn't really appreciate the friendship you gave me, that is, until I lost it so to say. I still can't comprehend how you put up with my temper back then. It was you who felt my wrath the most. Whenever I lost you were always the one to take my punches, share my pain, and calm me down. You were always the one to take up for me. Always the one to take care of me. I think you're the only person who was given a lot worse than mine. You didn't deserve to have to put up with me. You never did anything wrong, yet you were always the one who had to deal with me and my pain. And did I ever say 'thank you' once? No. Did I ever say 'sorry' once? No. Did I ever do anything to show you how much you were appreciated? No. Come to think about it, I don't even remember doing_ anything_ for you.

But back then it didn't matter to me that I treated you like shit. Well, you _thought _it didn't matter to me. Not like I ever showed you other wise. Yeah, you didn't know how much you really meant to me, and neither did I. Until, I didn't have you any more. The quote "You don't know what you got, till its gone." really slapped me in the face. But I needed that slap; I needed to open my eyes and start appreciating things more, start appreciating people more, appreciating **you** more. And I need to show those people how much they really did mean to me. Show you how much I really did care about you. And while I would have a second chance with some, I would never get that chance with you, and you were the one that deserved it most. But you were gone, I had lost you forever.

Or so I though, because just as fast as you left my life, you came back into it. I was thrilled. You were alive! But, you were no longer with me, you were no longer by my side, you were no longer fighting along side me but instead against me. And I felt as though I had lost you all over again. It was hard knowing, oh it was almost unbearable. But didn't I deserve it? Wasn't this my punishment for always treating you like shit? I figured it had to be. And upon that conclusion my reality 'before you' came crashing back down. I was Yzak Jule, the boy destined to lose. I was silly to get my hopes up, to actually think I could _win_ your friendship back.

But somehow, someway I got that second chance with you. And I got to show you my appreciation. Well I _tried._ Bad habits are hard to break after all. But you were patient with me, just like you had been before. It was a slow process but I think I finally had changed, changed into the person you had always tried to bring out of me, the person I always wanted to be, a…_winner_. It was odd at first, but you were always there, always helping me.

I guess it was inevitable because I found myself losing something once again. I don't know how I was losing it, or when I even started to lose it, but I was _losing **it.** _I was losing my heart, but come to think of it I never did mind losing anything to **you**.

-:- -:- -:-

XD

Sorry Yzak seems way out of character. But it was the only way it would work. sigh

Yeah, that's it. I'm not crazy about it, but I think the ending is kinda sweet. I just get this picture in my head of Yzak smirking at the last line. Well, please review, it would be most appreciated.

Oh and flames will be used to roast my marshmallows )


End file.
